The Art of Listening and Being Heard
Today, weâre going to talk about the vital exchange of âlisteningâ and âfeeling heardâ in our relationships. And why itâs an act of love that builds some of the greatest momentum in our lives.
Recently, Phil (my husband) and I had a tension brewing between us. It was subtle but persistent. Almost like a volcano bubbling up under the surface but not yet exploding.
The tension was infiltrating every area of our lives, holding us back from connection, from business progress, from healthy parenting and our own wellbeing.
When weâre out of alignment, our entire system is out of alignment.
NOTICE WHERE THIS MAY BE HAPPENING IN YOUR OWN LIFE
There may be tension in one of your relationships right now. Personal or professional. Tension that may be subtle yet has a profound ripple effect on your wellbeing, your health, your productivity.
You may be inclined to âlive with it,â âaccept what is,â âfight,â âhold boundaries,â âlet it go and move on.â
Maybe one or all of those things are relevant to you.
But what if a moment of pause to hear whatâs actually being said - or better yet, what is not being expressed - could change the dynamics of your relationship, ultimately leading you to a greater sense of clarity, connection and movement forward?
WHAT DOESNâT WORK
In our case, we were slowly digging to the root cause of our tension, but we kept hitting dead ends. We werenât letting our guards down. We were trying to fix, resolve, do our own inner work and remain quiet within ourselves to keep the volcano from erupting.
The problem with that approach was that we were delaying true resolution. In our attempt to fix, we werenât actually putting out the fire. We were lightly fanning it, encouraging it to grow bigger and bigger, slowly choking us - and the most important parts of our lives - in its fumes.
We werenât truly hearing each other. That didnât solve the problem. It only strengthened the divide between us.
THE UNLOCK
The moment, standing in our kitchen making Saturday morning eggs and smoothies, Phil said, âHereâs what Iâve heard you sayâŚâ my entire being softened. I felt loved. I felt heard. I repeated back to him what I had heard from him. We also expressed our trust, our love, our support and our intentions to go INTO our partnership, not AWAY FROM.
When we finally stopped and genuinely listened to hear what the other was saying - without judgement or the need to fix - we began to dissolve the boiling tension.
On the other side was clarity and a path forward. Plus a fun date night making candles and eating at a new restaurant. ;)
A PATH FORWARD
One of the most overlooked acts for progress is listening and truly hearing one another.
It seems counterintuitive. To move forward, we must stand still. We must give up the reins. We must be willing to surrender our own egos to hold space for another to be fully heard.
From that place, resolution can occur. Bonds can be stabilized. Our relationships deepen. Forward movement can happen.
PERSPECTIVE
As Simen Sinek says here, listening is a trust building exercise. Genuinely hearing someone is where the magic happens.
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| @simonsinek on Tiktok |
PERSONAL REFLECTION
Below is a reflection opportunity for you to get clear on where this exists in your own life. Take a moment to settle in consider the questions below using the audio to guide you.
